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Stress

March 12, 2013
by Erin B

Big fat warning: this is another stream of consciousness post.  Expect some rambling or just skip it.

Life has gotten a little stressful lately.  My family is still amazing.  We are still making our mortgage payments.  We are a lot better off than a lot of the people who lost 40% of their income in 2008.

But (’cause you knew that was coming)

My personal difference between being broke and being poor (and I have been both) is if you can make your RRSP (retirement) contributions each month.  In either case, we maybe living on ramen noodles to get through the last week of the month, but if we made that RRSP deposit, we aren’t poor we are just broke. It’s dumb, but there it is.

I’m back to school right now.  I need to upgrade my professional certification to a diploma. I am running out of time.  I have to have all my classes done by next year.  It’s OK, I’m working on it, I’ll get done.  But postsecondary classes are expensive and I just had to spend $500+ on my credit card to buy the course materials.  I knew these expenses were coming but wasn’t expecting them quite so soon, so I have a few other purchases made that I wouldn’t have bothered with if I had looked up the materials list BEFORE the class started.

I have no idea how I am going to pay for that.  I’m not the kind of person who can sleep at night with a balance on my credit card that I know won’t be paid off when we get the statement. So… this month, we are poor, not just broke. The thing is…. once you throw caution to the wind and know you are carrying a balance on your credit card it some how becomes easier to say “screw it” and just add a Timmies breakfast or whatever.

This morning the coffee maker had an accident and made a whole pot of coffee on the counter and floor this morning, completely missing the carafe.  It was completely my fault.  After I cleaned it up, my first thought was “Tim Horton’s Oatmeal!  Squee!”

Nope.

It is stressful for me to know that when a food prep accident costs me three dinners (and corresponding leftover lunches) worth of beef out of the fridge that I can’t afford to replace it and we will be eating EVEN more pasta and waffles this month.

So… not a lot of posts right now.  I can write when I’m stressed, but it generally isn’t the kind of stuff that anyone wants to read about. A couple of my favourite mommy blogs went dark when people really started to lose their jobs as part of this “economic downturn” I often wonder if they just couldn’t find the words to talk about it either.

The thing is, if health care has taught me anything, no matter how isolated and alone (and possibly stupid) you feel in your pain, the x-ray tech has seen that exact same injury before.  Possibly only half an hour ago.

I know I am not the only one struggling, even if no one wants to talk about it in real life.   If you are too… it’s ok.  It will be OK in the end, if you aren’t OK, it’s not the end.

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